Mothers & the obsession of society with self-sacrifice

 What an overwhelming responsibility, is what crosses my brain when I hear the word Mother.

Some surprising statistics will show up if one searches about how many women become mothers at an age where they cannot even psychologically and physically make sense of this responsibility.

It is just asked of her as a women.

We are born in this world and taught by everything around us to deem our mothers to be this perfect representation of nurture and love that creates a distorted vision transforming her to an almost godly figure. Godly figure that we can push our both feasible and unrealistic expectations on her to fulfil. This sanctification has been done for so many years that even mother take this as a source of their validation and if it is absent then totally brand themselves as an unworthy mother and a human being.

I am certainly not discounting their role in our lives, it’s the opposite. All mothers go through something so extraordinary that it is not everyone’s cup of tea and they deserve all the respect but not in an impersonal way. The issue starts when we place them on a hypocritical podium where they can never make a single mistake. Where they should and ought to make motherhood a hyphenated existence to their identity. Motherhood which is defined as the embodiment of self-sacrifice. The very attempt to become more than a mother is viewed very critically not only by society but us till the day the same is asked from us.

““Jab tum maa banogi tab pata chalega”

(You would realize this once you become a mom)””

Mothehood surely must be a life-changing experience but is certainly a limiting metric to judge a person for all that they do hereafter or even if they choose to skip the experience altogether. It is a part of woman’s Journey (if they choose it to be) growing up & taking on multiple roles as they go. Growing up that requires a safe & accepting space to evolve. To make mistakes. To find the balance between unconditional love for themselves and the one they value most.

Segue where I should mention a thing about self-love and the very nuanced relationship it has especially with self-sacrifice and motherhood.

We (subconsciously or otherwise) put too much value and ironically less thinking into the behaviour of self-sacrifice (often mistaken as altruism, which is a different thing). Spending oneself for the need mostly to fill the void of the other that’s not their making is deemed to be a virtue especially for a women and a mother. Self-sacrifice is chosen by everyone as a single most vital decision.